The Sustainability of Our Activism Through Pleasure

A picture of River with red hair wearing a grey sweater in front of teal wall

CW: mention death and genocide

A tired selfie. The bright teal wall behind me is the color of my new office space. I've been wondering how to share about the re-opening of my work and this new space during these horrific times, when I feel there is no desire in me for any celebration. Like everyone else, for the past 50+ days, I've been witnessing bombardment, displacement, and destruction of Gaza

I'm continually haunted by what I/we witness. The video of the father holding a young girl who looks just like my niece, saying such sweet things to her lifeless body, kissing her face, and trying to open her eyes with his hands. 

Or the young man shaking while trying to call his friend on his phone to see if he can find him under the rubble- knowing I would be shaking too if I was searching for my loved ones. 

I'm haunted. We are haunted by the many images and videos depicting what is happening in Gaza. How can we not be? How can we not see ourselves, our beloveds, our neighbors, and our family in all of these people? 

Working with survivors of assault and sometimes with survivors of war, I am familiar with this shaking of the body. The trembling is a part of how the body operates under such extreme trauma. Its function is for survival, not just to try return to some imagined baseline or calmness after experiencing such extreme violence. As I learned from reading Dr. Samha Jabr, head of Palestine's mental health services, unlike the Western concept of PTSD, "There is no 'post' because the trauma is repetitive and ongoing and continuous" for the people of Palestine. 

So, how can I talk about pleasure right now? How can I talk about the body, sex, and enjoyment of the human experience while so much suffering is happening? While a genocide is happening? Every time I've tried to write, I felt twisted, knotted up, searing hot pressure behind my face, and the welling of tears. I keep/kept thinking that pleasure is not important, not at all. The only thing that matters is that this suffering ends now. 

But my beloveds urged me on. Pleasure, bodies, sex, sensations, humanity, connection to body, and connection to each other need to be a part of our lives so we do not burn down to the very end of our wicks. We must find ways to sustain ourselves, shake together, and root in the 'why' of doing this work.

Empire banks on our disconnection to the body, especially our disconnection to play, love, pleasure, sensations, and humanity. So here I am, coming back to sharing about pleasure and the opening of my work. Imperfectly, sloppily, fumble bumbling along the way. 

Welcome to my space; welcome to my house. It's here for you, too, if you need it. I'm practicing to tapping into the things that have brought me some joy with this new space: the painting of the walls, the bright teal color itself, designing a welcoming, beautiful space for clients, and reigniting pleasure-centered somatic practice for those who are survivors. 

Free Palestine, free Sudan, and free Congo. May we, together, spiral toward each other to undo the systems of harm, especially those from which we benefit. May we relish in and be grateful for life's pleasures and fight hard for freedom and liberation so everyone can enjoy them together. May we do it all with play, pleasure, hope, and relational and community connection. May all Empires fall.

With pleasure and gratitude,

River Drosera